So many lines I'd love to restack, so many lines that will stay with me for a long time. I hope this doesn't sound tone-deaf, but in media, I always related most to Asian representations of family. They feel the closest to what I went through growing up, and my bonds with my parents (and even extended family.)
"Your parents are wrong about life, one way or another. It’s your job to figure out how." made me pause in my tracks. I've been exploring this idea so much and enjoy reading different perspectives - not only does it make me feel less alone but it's truly eye-opening to see the world from a different lens and let that help shape you. This is a piece that has shaped me. Beautiful writing, thank you.
Not tone-deaf AT ALL, I bond with arab friends about the complexities of parental relationships all the time. While I wrote from the experience of being asian bcs that's what I know I don't believe in gatekeeping the experience regardless of where someone comes from.
In fact, it means a lot to me that people relate beyond a very specific demographic :)
i had a similar crisis to this that may have culminated in some career-culture blowup if not for this essay. thank you (also finding other asians on substack, especially children of immigrants/people who grew up in similar situations, is such a boon and a blessing 🩷🩷)
I honestly thought this piece would get 0 eyes, but so many people who relate have come pouring out of the woodworks and it makes me so happy <3 i’m so glad to have helped, and always willing to talk about it if you feel so inclined!
I think one of the reasons I have a deep connection with so many Chinese people is that my parents were a bit more old fashioned than they realized and it felt very similar to that kind of upbringing at times.
They didn’t expect me to pay them back with money but by doing the things they expected of me…although they were in complete denial about this which made the dynamic a lot more complicated.
But I think this is something that all cultures have had at some point and that some broke out of. Many of my friends are breaking out of it now.
One of my closest friends was part of a noble family which doesn't mean quite as much in modern terms, but there were very similar expectations in things that one had to uphold
Already raved abt how much I loved this one but I wanted to highlight my favorite favorite lines:
"Asian contracts have the most clauses"
"of despair and hope smuggled between cold hard cash"
"Before you spoke your first word, you became the fulcrum of each and all of your parent’s sacrifices."
"The whisper of my parents “that’s nothing” leapt out from under my tongue, automatic."
"All I knew was the freedom everyone but I carried. All I knew was the deep aching I felt when my friend’s parents made jokes at the dinner table."
"Too late, but can you blame the tree for missing the craftsmanship behind the axe?"
"The only way to beat an infinity is with a bigger infinity"
"Love is not a transaction. You do not have to pay it back."
Thanks Wenyi, you know i really appreciate this :)
So many lines I'd love to restack, so many lines that will stay with me for a long time. I hope this doesn't sound tone-deaf, but in media, I always related most to Asian representations of family. They feel the closest to what I went through growing up, and my bonds with my parents (and even extended family.)
"Your parents are wrong about life, one way or another. It’s your job to figure out how." made me pause in my tracks. I've been exploring this idea so much and enjoy reading different perspectives - not only does it make me feel less alone but it's truly eye-opening to see the world from a different lens and let that help shape you. This is a piece that has shaped me. Beautiful writing, thank you.
Not tone-deaf AT ALL, I bond with arab friends about the complexities of parental relationships all the time. While I wrote from the experience of being asian bcs that's what I know I don't believe in gatekeeping the experience regardless of where someone comes from.
In fact, it means a lot to me that people relate beyond a very specific demographic :)
i had a similar crisis to this that may have culminated in some career-culture blowup if not for this essay. thank you (also finding other asians on substack, especially children of immigrants/people who grew up in similar situations, is such a boon and a blessing 🩷🩷)
I honestly thought this piece would get 0 eyes, but so many people who relate have come pouring out of the woodworks and it makes me so happy <3 i’m so glad to have helped, and always willing to talk about it if you feel so inclined!
i love this so much! a few of my favourite quotes would have to be:
1. "before you spoke your first word, you became the fulcrum of each and all of your parent's sacrifices"
2. "love is not a transaction, you do not have to pay it back"
3. "the whisper of my parents "that's nothing" leapt out from under my tongue, automatic"
the writing felt so genuine, it was beautiful. from one asian kid to another, you really brought to life the experience in your writing!
Thank you so much Yixi! I personally love it when people quote specific lines <3
I always tell myself that I can only do my best in writing quality, but I can promise authenticity so it makes me happy that you relate
This is so so beautiful
thank you, I LOVE YOUR TITLE gonna listen to mistki rn
I think one of the reasons I have a deep connection with so many Chinese people is that my parents were a bit more old fashioned than they realized and it felt very similar to that kind of upbringing at times.
They didn’t expect me to pay them back with money but by doing the things they expected of me…although they were in complete denial about this which made the dynamic a lot more complicated.
But I think this is something that all cultures have had at some point and that some broke out of. Many of my friends are breaking out of it now.
As am I
One of my closest friends was part of a noble family which doesn't mean quite as much in modern terms, but there were very similar expectations in things that one had to uphold